I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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