Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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