just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
