I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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