she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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