dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
