I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
