We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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