I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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