i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
