You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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