I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
