I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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