Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
