im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
