So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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