just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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