Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
