i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
