If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
