i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
