even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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