What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
