Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I party with great urgency now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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