I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
