You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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