I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
