MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
