Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
