sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
