Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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