My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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