even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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