she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
