you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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