Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
