I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
