So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
