This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
