I wish I could teleport
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
