we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think my moral compass just broke
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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