How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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