pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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