I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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