Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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