Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
