3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
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Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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