Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
