I faked an abortion last night.
he shaved USA in his pubs
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
