how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
