He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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