is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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