oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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