maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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