there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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