I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
