im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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