i think my tv is drunk
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
