my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
