Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
