Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
