Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
