were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
