just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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