Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
