I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
