your thong is hanging out like whoa
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
