I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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