she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
