i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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