I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
