and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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