I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
